And That's How I Feel Right Now

It's no secret to anyone that I enjoy a good jam session in the car. They are (usually) more tame if someone's in the car with me, but very little stops me from rocking it out while I'm driving. The iPod was on shuffle yesterday and Kelly Clarkson's "How I Feel" came on. Which, if you've never heard it, is basically the anthem of all single, 20somethings who get told that "The right one will come when you least expect it." or "He's out there, you just have to look." And people are being supportive when they say that, I know they are. I don't think anyone has ever said those words to me with any form of malice or judgement. 

But let's call a spade a spade - sometimes, being single sucks. It just does. Regardless of how independent and self-sufficient you are or how much self-confidence you have. No one truly likes being alone. And I feel like there's a lot of mid-twenty/early thirty women who feel like if you complain about being single, or you simply mention it might be nice to have someone, you're labeled as desperate or as the kind of girl who always needs a man. 

But as I laid in bed last night with the words to "How I Feel" circling around in my head, I realized how unfair that is. I am twenty-six, almost twenty-seven. I've not been in a labeled relationship since I was nineteen and in the seven year span between then and now, I've been in that weird, awkward, kind-of dating-but-not-really limbo once. So why do I feel so pathetic every time I mention it might be nice to have a boyfriend - like I'm not allowed to verbally express that, yeah, it'd be nice to have someone hold my hand and tell me I'm pretty and banter back and forth with me. 

My favorite part of "How I Feel" is the line -

Oh, I'm getting tired of believing 
Even sicker of pretending
That "it's not so bad, just wait it out" 
Oh, I think you're feeding me lies again 
The only good man left wasn't him
And that's how I feel right now so just let me be
Let me be

Which translates to me as, "For the love of God, just let me feel what I feel instead of trying to tell me it'll change...because it hasn't yet." 

Again, people are trying to be supportive. I get that. But sometimes, you just need people to listen and sympathize instead of prophesying when you'll meet "the one". I've been promised "he's out there" so many times. But where? Where out there? And is he going to find me when I least expect it or am I supposed to be independent and find him myself? 

I just feel like it's okay for girls - and guys - to embrace that sometimes, it sucks to be single and it's okay to want someone to want you (cue Cheap Trick) and to be scared that it might not happen. Chances are it will, but in the mean time, I think it's okay feel what you feel without any apologies or shame. 

That all being said, and I feel confident in speaking for single people everywhere when I say, the "So, still single, huh?" question - it's never okay. Like, ever. 

First Thing's First...

I've been thinking of starting a blog for quite some time. And to be honest, this isn't my first rodeo in the world of blogging - I've started a few; some that include entries not intended for the everyone to read and some started back in the days of Xanga that I myself am too embarrassed to read at this point. That being said, I find myself often going to Facebook, rambling and/or ranting in the "Update Status" section and then erasing it because who the hell cares enough to read every random thought that crosses my mind, right? But, at the same time, I'm getting to that point in my life that I'm starting to realize my need to document my thoughts and share them are for me, not for anyone else. So this blog is my happy medium. I have no intention of it being updated regularly with long, five paragraph essay style entries - it's simply a medium in which I can share my thoughts - however random and rambly they may be - with those who care enough to click on the link and read them.


So enjoy reading them. Or don't. That's kind of the point. :)